COSMOPOLIS (2012) David Cronenberg

cosmopolisWatching the trailer for this back in 2012 with the strobing visuals, riots, nudity, gunshots, a large rat attacking the limo and a barrage of stars – this looked like a fascinating, sexy, exciting new David Cronenberg movie! Turns out – it wasn’t!

This was my second attempt at this one but to be fair, the first time I watched it, I was so pissed I would’ve slept through Die Hard so this never had a chance. On second viewing, I was completely compus mentis and also aware that it had to go back to United Video, I tried again. Here we go. Continue reading

FIFTY SHADES OF GREY (2015) Sam Taylor-Johnson

dogshit This is a review of mine that was first printed in The Critic.

When student Anastasia Steele improbably interviews icy billionaire Christian Grey, she finds herself as trapped as we are in a downward spiral of kinky sex and utter tediousness. Fair play to Dakota Johnson – she’s a shining beacon of light and likeability amidst this utter dross. Unfortunately, even she is hamstrung by a character so badly written, her character arc is like watching someone picking petals off of a flower, chanting “he loves me, he loves me not [ad nauseum]”. Continue reading