CLERKS

1994; written and directed by Kevin Smith; 88 mins

Whatever happened to the no-budget indie? In the 80s and 90s, you had a string of movies made for fuck all like The Evil Dead, Bad Taste, Pusher, Slacker and El Mariachi. Even into the early Noughties, you had things like Primer and Scott Ryan’s The Magician. Movies made with no profile whatsoever and nothing to rely on other than actual talent. Now, all we get are those fucking awful Asylum movies but nothing else seems to break through in the way they did. Strange when you think of the availability of cameras and the rise of special features on DVD and Blu-Ray. One of the shining, shitty beacons amongst all these is Clerks, the foul-mouthed, funnier and shorter B&W answer to ‘Ulysses’. Continue reading

MINIONS

2015; directed by Kyle Balda and Pierre Coffin; written by Brian Lynch; 87 mins

This is not a joke: I love this movie! I love the Minions! They were funny in Despicable Me and Despicable Me 2 and – given their own movie – they are even more funny! OK, I admit, even with those previous adventures in the background, I still went in sceptical and slightly snobby but five minutes in and that intro, me, my folks and my sister-in-law were in fits of laughter! I have no idea whether anyone else was laughing because we were enjoying ourselves so much that we just disappeared into our own little bubble of childish glee! Continue reading

T2 TRAINSPOTTING

2017; directed by Danny Boyle; adapted by John Hodge; 117 mins

21 years on and it’s funny that everyone’s so excited for the return of these most beloved and – truly – iconic movie characters… because they are psychos and junkies! I mean, for me, that’s my kinda characters but it’s not often that the national or international consciousness waxes positive on disreputable working class characters. Normally, they need to stay in line with projected middle class values or be validated by meeting a royal or some such shite. Not here. I mean, one of the film’s saving graces is that even despite having Oscars in his pocket, Danny Boyle hasn’t turned into a ‘respectable’ director so whilst there is melancholy and regret but still all done with Captain Big Bollocks on the accelerator! Continue reading

HEAD

1968; directed by Bob Rafelson; written by Jack Nicholson and Bob Rafelson; 85 mins

Experiencing Head with the sister-in-law is hard to explain. In so many ways. At this stage I haven’t done any research above and beyond watching the movie but I suspect that The Monkees may gotten involved with hallucinogenic drugs somewhere along the line in this motion picture venture. Continue reading

PLANES, TRAINS AND AUTOMOBILES

1987; written and directed by John Hughes; 92 mins

With 80s nostalgia becoming tedious to the point of coma, I’d made a decision not to watch any John Hughes movies because of every sodding 30+ cultural midget who bangs on about how earth-shattering The Breakfast Club is. I’m sure it’s great but – alerting all 90s and Noughties nerds – let’s try not be boring as they are! Continue reading

GIRL ASLEEP

2015; directed by Rosemary Myers; written by Matthew Whittet; 77 mins

[WON’T YOU TAKE ME TO SPOILER TOWN? WON’T YOU TAKE ME TO SPOILER TOWN?]

Here’s an example of a film that was so nearly great and so nearly a disaster but I want people to go and see this if they get even half a chance because it is 85% wonderful! I would also say that my ticket for whatever Rosemary Myers is gonna make next is already in the bank… Continue reading